I had a hard time yesterday at work. I was thinking about my baby girl who had fallen off the bed on Thursday night. I was so worried. It was hard for me to focus on what I was doing at work.

Thursday night was a nightmare. I put my baby girl on our bed to relax and get ready for her bed/crib. I stack the big pillows on each of her side and got her comfortable with our comforter. She was happy and not moving. I thought she would sleep any minute. I made her a bottle of milk to drink so she would sleep not hungry. She took it and held it for a while. Mikey was already in his jammies but did not want to go to his “big boy bed”. I asked him to come to our bed so we could all go to sleep together. (I needed to go to sleep early because I needed to wake up early the next day.) Suddenly, something came up in my mind. I thought I should have Mikey brush his teeth first. I got up and ask him to brush his teeth. We both went to the bathroom. I helped him brush his teeth, washed his mouth and hands and suddenly we heard the noise that I was afraid of. Gabby crawled and fell off the bed. She cried for maybe 30 seconds to a minute. I felt so horrible. I felt like I am such a bad mother. I looked for any swelling everywhere and could not find one. I held her and made the shhhhh sound to calm her down. Aaahhhh. We then went to bed. Later, Gabby was so restless in bed with us so I decided to put her in her crib before she falls again. She started to cry but DH was home (after work). I thought maybe DH would take care of her. I was like half asleep. It was maybe 2:30AM. I had to get up at 5:30AM.

At work, my mind was unable to relax. I felt really bad. I should have kept her with me in bed. I called my DH and asked him to check on her to see if she is okay. He said she is okay, playing and active. I told him to monitor on her or if she acts weird to let me know. I felt a little better after that.

Ah, I wish I could tell my daughter “I am very sorry”.